Ok so since I get stupid questions about this page a lot, both by email and in real life, most of the quotes come from things people said in public IRC chat rooms. What does that mean? Well it means they generally will be quite dumb and potentially contain dirty language. I do not care they are still funny for the most part.

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<bob> i feel more secure with plain text than debian ssh keys ;)
* a1270 hits bob
<a1270> bad!

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<jedimaster> and im telling lizzers that she can't leave you alone for more than 5 min or else u'll go homolicious
<SigmaX> Oh, btw
<SigmaX> Liz says that, in the event of a genuine doomsday, I have permission to engage in a coworker orgy
<bobski> OH SNAP

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<truth> Don't give his ramblings any consideration.
<truth> He clearly doesn't appreciate the consequences of his statements, much less the logical leaps he had to take to arrive at such a fallacious viewpoint.
<truth> woah, I mean, he's a douche bag lolz!1!

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<sicarus> i dont think ive ever seen anything i'd tap harder
<Mundy[wrk]> she looks like a half bashed crab

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<Yeti> supposed to be at a movie with dad at 11
<Yeti> I've barely eaten or slept in the past five days
<Yeti> my whole body hurts and hates me
<Yeti> my cats think I'm the shit, though

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<sicaru[s]> except i wouldnt want to have a really large cock
<Mundy> haha looks like your wish came true sicarus

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<sicarus> brb noodles
<sicarus> i dont care that im going to a restaurant in like 30minutes
<sicarus> fuck them

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<+bob> my dream
<+bob> is to get beat up by kate beckensale.
<@Jenny> and this is why you're a noobcake :P
<+bob> well id like you to beat me up too >_>
<@Jenny> you would probably lose
<@Jenny> what I lack in power I make up for in ferocity
<+bob> losing is kind of the point
<+bob> telling people i beat kate beckensale is like "WTF"
<+bob> but telling people i GOT beat up by kate beckensale
<+bob> now that's a bar story everyone wants to hear
<+bob> or by jenny. you know.
<@Jenny> I dont think the people in your bar know jenny
<+bob> they will when i show them the photo in my wallet.
<@Jenny> alright
<@Jenny> wait, what?

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(20061214164417) <Groovebot> in WWII it was half and half... but then Poland was granted a slice of Eastern Germany after the war, which made it lobsided
(20061214164426) <bob> lopsided!
(20061214164454) <Groovebot> lobsided
(20061214164500) <bob> lop!
(20061214164509) <Groovebot> LOB
(20061214164519) <bob> LOP
(20061214164528) <vailie> O_O
(20061214164531) <Groovebot> LOB
(20061214164540) <bob> LOP
(20061214164545) <Groovebot> BOB
(20061214164545) <vailie> BOB
(20061214164551) * bob LOP

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<sicarus> for science we have to do like an experiment
<sicarus> and write a massive report and all this
<sicarus> all the topics she gave us sucked
<sicarus> i went up and asked
<sicarus> "Would I be able to measure the relation between available oxygen and the rate of combustion of certain powders in a confined space?"
<sicarus> she said no as soon as i said combustion :(..

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<Borat-Sagdiyev> i come lern inglish
<Borat-Sagdiyev> you teech?
<paied> rtfm

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<@envious> HEY GEOM!!!!!!!!!
<@GeoM> hi
<@envious> thanks for banning me yesterday
<@GeoM> np
<@envious> felt great coming home late and seeing that

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<Plouj> thesaint: try asking in ##windows on freenode
<Plouj> /connect irc.freenode.net
<thesaint> I get permission denied.
<thesaint> Plouj: I get permissions denied.
* bob chmod 777 freenode.##windows
<bob> try again
<thesaint> ok
<thesaint> nope, same thing
<thesaint> do i try the chmod thing?
<bob> cant hurt
<thesaint> what would i type?
<bob> rtfm!
<thesaint> geesh man. take a chill pill.
<Plouj> bob chmod 777 freenode.##windows
<Plouj> bob, you're so evil

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* Pappy-R kicks tIKiD2 across the yard
<bob> that's the spirit
<bob> rape pillage burn
<quin> burn the women, steal the houses, rape the livestock
<bob> not nessessarily in that order. naturally.
<lonelysocks> stay the fuck away from my moose

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<GeoM> hmm... i haven't degaussed in a while
<GeoM> everyone hold on
<eViLSHaFT> whoa, stop degaussing, you almosty made me spill my drink

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<nexu> dont wanna read perl
<nexu> it gives me an awkward feeling of 1994

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<Sicarus> but if i'm eating icecream
<Sicarus> 9/10times ive probly been sitting here all day

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<_3Lm0_> americans STILL use the imperial system. 'nuff said.
<Pezmaker> whooptie do
<Pezmaker> is that all you got?
<_3Lm0_> jeebus. everybody else is using metric...
<Pezmaker> _3Lm0_: i can use both. can you?
<_3Lm0_> kinda.
<_3Lm0_> but we rarely use it here so i dont have to.
<Pezmaker> the fact remains i can use both, you cannot
<Pezmaker> so, therefore, you lose
<_3Lm0_> pfft whatever.
<Pezmaker> haha, sucker

<Pezmaker> why'dja get so quiet?
<_3Lm0_> because i cant be fucked arguing with you.
<_3Lm0_> i have better things to do.
<bob`fyrewerks> like puberty.

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<_3Lm0_> ever seen an old monitor that doesnt say : "Low Radiation"?
<_3Lm0_> if an old monitor doesnt have that, should i be worried?
<bob> never seen a monitor period that says that.
<_3Lm0_> really?
<elektronisch> me neither
<elektronisch> elmo, arent you 13?
<_3Lm0_> therse thousands of them!
<_3Lm0_> 15.
<_3Lm0_> (hardly better)
<elektronisch> exactly, dont talk about computers ;c
<bob> hahahah
<iodine> haha

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<bob> i have another great wonder for you.
<bob> isn't it kind of weird there is no quakecon date and registration by now?
<Pappy-R> very, very, very
<bob> hmmm. yes i thought so.
<Pappy-R> they still don't have a venue locked down far as I know
<Pappy-R> scary
<bob> chicago mccormicks place would pwnt.
<bob> largest convention centre in the world.
<Pappy-R> no, the new Niagara Casino and Convention Center would pwn :-)
<bob> hahah
<bob> i would not think canada would let that many people inside at one time ;)
<bob> when the ratio of people to moose mounted police exceeds 4:1, kind of hard to keep peace.
<Pappy-R> so now we RIDE moose? oh geez :)
<Pappy-R> you ever seen a moose? fuck that shit, they're huge
<bob> lol! yeah i saw a picture of one in a kids pool.
<bob> well... on top of it.
<Pappy-R> see one up close and riding it will not on your list of shit to do

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<Pappy-R> I AM angry sex!
<Pappy-R> well actually I'm angry sex and beer
<lonelysocks> and there goes your aim
<Pappy-R> don't need aim if ya have instinct. let the force guide you!

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* quin gives tiki the quake finger
<quin> it's like a regular finger except it glows blue
<portabobby> LOL
<portabobby> quad damage
<quin> you are four times as insulted by it, too

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<benco> what it was about
<Sicarus> EVER
<Sicarus> :P
<benco> is we were going to ask charlene out for joel dotta
<Sicarus> LOL
<Sicarus> ROFL
--- ChanServ sets ban on *!*@cpe-60-226-*.qld.bigpond.net.au
<-- ChanServ has kicked Sicarus from #Helpdesk (Text Spam Flood!!)
<@bob> lmao
<benco> owned..
<benco> hey no fair
--- ChanServ sets ban on *!*@220-245-*.tpgi.com.au
<-- ChanServ has kicked benco from #helpdesk (Text Spam Flood!!)

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<Ref^Smokey> #penis
<bob> i am not going to go to your #penis.
<eViLSHaFT> it's a small channel.

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<bob> i have a serious question about fake id's
<bob> because trapt, seven dust, and thousand foot krutch are going to be playing at a 21 and older club next month here.
<bob> all in one night
<bob> and i need to get in =p
<Tassadar> I'm not into fake IDs, but I know two tecniques you could use to get in
<Tassadar> Once of them requires money and charisma, the other involves kung fu.

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<@bob> "<Rjx> see i'm fully willing to honour "valentines day" as long as the female in question honours "naked nintendo day""
<surfnazi> that just assures you will only obtain those females that would recognize
<@bob> mine plays q3
<surfnazi> only game mine can play(barely) is tetris
<surfnazi> most girls just don't develop the coordination
<surfnazi> I tried getting mine to play q3
<surfnazi> she's good at finding corners
<surfnazi> and staring them down
<@bob> LOL

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<eXploit> nar im pro at WoW
<eXploit> i've got 62honor kills
<eXploit> = over 2days
<eXploit> oh for fucks sake
<eXploit> i just died again
<eXploit> while afk
<eXploit> id spend like an hour looking to find one person
<eXploit> some one always rocks up awhile im afk
<FuZ|oN> [18:08] <eXploit> nar im pro at WoW [18:09] <eXploit> i just died again
<eXploit> rofl
<eXploit> nar i got 62honor kills over 2days
<FuZ|oN> i do not know what that means
<eXploit> 37 over 2hours
<eXploit> uhm
--- ChanServ sets ban on *!*@*.qld.bigpond.net.au
<-- ChanServ has kicked eXploit from #helpdesk (Text Spam Flood!!)
<FuZ|oN> LOL owned again
--- bob removes ban on *!*@*.qld.bigpond.net.au
--> eXploit has joined #helpdesk
<FuZ|oN> obviously you must be pro at IRC too :P

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<@FuZ|oN> baby wanna get off me for a bit, i need to recharge the wireless
<@FuZ|oN> no pun intended :P

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<@bob> all these people and nobody needs help.
<@envious> i was typing out a message in charmap asking if my keyboard would return after being unplugged during operation
<@envious> then i realized it'd be faster to just test

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<@lonelysocks> i just caught myself in the act of singing "frosty the snowman"
<@lonelysocks> wtf

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<@bob> jubes quakescopes were right this week =o
<@bob> gg
<@Jube> :o
<@Jube> of course, I use the finest fake crystal ball (plastic) that PQ was willing to buy me.
<@Pappy-R> Ok, so what if it's a shot glass
<@Jube> a plastic shot glass. ;)

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<StormShadow> if you think its cool, your car is pimed.. if you think its lame, its riced out
<abxy> what about scions? i heard you get -30 reputation when you equip one of those
<bob> you have to be a rap star to rice a scion.
<3h|six> those things like like those mini loafs of wonderbread

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--> Tiramisu_too (~Tiramisu@ai205-126.resnet.stonybrook.edu) has joined #linux
<Tiramisu_too> all the clever linux people are here
<Pez> Tiramisu_too: I see a clever asshole just arrived to round it off
<Tiramisu_too> why do hate me Pez?
<Tiramisu_too> you don't even know me yet
<-- Tiramisu_too (~Tiramisu@ai205-126.resnet.stonybrook.edu) has left #linux

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<Pezmaker> HellToupee: it's not an effort
<Pezmaker> it's still less time/movement than for me to move my hand up and click the mouse
<HellToupee> usually my typing hand is resting on a drink or an iceblock
<sepz> or a donut

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<m> freaken fcc quality control
<m> i swear
<m> they just try to steal money
<m> everything i have is like broken
<m> except tv
<m> and vcr
<m> i guess my snowglobe is fine

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<Aubby> fire drill
<Aubby> brb

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<painQuin[sq]> that requires a guy
<bob> geh.
<CybrVillain[CT]> WTF?!?!?
<painQuin[sq]> o.O
<CybrVillain[CT]> QuakeCon wont let me register my youngest
<painQuin[sq]> oh good grief
<painQuin[sq]> I thought you were talking about something relevent

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<guest|tikisrvqke> M=asshole
<m> ah hi seth
<bob> rofl!

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<bob> (20050409193825) -rIp- VERSION mIRC v6.03 Khaled Mardam-Bey
<rIp> O.o
<m> i think i can crash rip
<-- rIp has quit (Read error: Connection reset by peer)
<m> PWNT
<m> LOL
<m> i am such an asshole
<m> hahaha
<m> AHAHAHAHAA
<m> omg that was priceless
<bob> hahaha
<bob> that was fooking hillarous
--> rIp (fake_email@161.57.226.19) has joined #tikidomain
<rIp> I HATE U MINKIS
<-- rIp has quit (Read error: Connection reset by peer)
<bob> bwahahahahah
<m> yup that was it

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<abxy> future = ambition, commitment, dedication, smarts
<abxy> ok
<abxy> i can't get the top off this milk

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<phoenix> [23:49] <rIp> welp
<rIp> o.O
<phoenix> 1. welp
<phoenix> what really annoying people say instead of well. The same kind of people who use jah instead of yes.
<phoenix> Annoying.
<phoenix> Welp, I was a tool so my girlfriend dumped my sorry ass.
<phoenix> from urban dictionary http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=welp&r=f
<bob> LOL,
<rIp> so in your spare time
<rIp> u scroll up and look for words that i say
<rIp> that u can use against me
<rIp> huh
<rIp> hmm
<bob> (20050329011253) <rIp> prolly

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<m> citrus = D:
<charchar> what face is that
<m> sad face
<bob`afk> D: is the holy crap face
<m> but other direction
<m> no its not
<m> sad face
<bob`afk> yeah it is
<m> gaping jaw sad face
<m> !!
<charchar> lol
<bob`afk> no it's not, imagine an incomming semi truck in your lane
<bob`afk> D: holy crap
<m> I WILL KILL YOU
<m> SAD FACE
<bob`afk> D:

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<abxy> you all want to play some uber fun child like game?
<abxy> i'm running a server
<bob> i don't have hl2 installed =p

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<rIp> you dont think i would let anytin happen to sonya do ya
<rIp> comon
<rIp> i luve her
* rIp luves sonya
* bob forgot you named the car.

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<painQuin[sq]> I just queued up my Led Zeppelin that I haven't played yet
<tIKi_mAn[sq]> i just queued up papa roach i don't even have downloaded yet.
<Pappy-R> gg tiki :)

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<m> the fragon was yours?
<m> swett
<m> -f
<m> +g
<painQuin[sq]> d?
<m> -t+e
<m> +d
<m> hsit
<m> forget it

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<bob`afk> bob: you have control
<bob> bob`afk: i have control
<G-dOg32[study]> no i have control
<RiP> NO I HAVE CONTROL
<bob> you don't have jack =p

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<Pezmaker> bob: I like you, you're a jolly ole fellow.
<bob> lol, thanks
<bob> you too
<@Pezmaker> I shan't hector you the way I do others
<bob> haha woot
* Pezmaker chuckles
<@Pezmaker> how many of you just went to dictionary.com?
<MercyBeat> damn it!
<@Pezmaker> hahaha
<@Pezmaker> caught ya

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<mnemonic> src
<source> ?

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<bob> PING
<ChaCha> PONG
<bob> PING
<ChaCha> PONG
<bob> PING
<ChaCha> PONG
<bob> PING
<ChaCha> PONG
<bob> PING
<ChaCha> PONG
<bob> PING
<ChaCha> PONG
<bob> PING
<ChaCha> PONG
<bob> ROFL
<ChaCha> PONG
<ChaCha> :P
<bob> hahahahha